I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you would pick up someone in the library
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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