well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
