It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
