So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
