It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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