Please, let me fuck your mom
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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