I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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