tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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