you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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