My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize