I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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