According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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