She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
