Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
