is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
