it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
