i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
