You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
