This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
