we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
