I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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