im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
