Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize