so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
