We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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