glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
you never un-have a 4some
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
