just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
