saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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