There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
