Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
