May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize