He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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