It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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