Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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