I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Randomize
