Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
