Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize