There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
