we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
