Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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