"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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