the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize