90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
