My Higher Power is John Stamos
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
