i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
