Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
