remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
