At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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