tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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