roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
