That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
