so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
