The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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