Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
