just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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