His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
