Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
