a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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