his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
