Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
