he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
