And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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