Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
