i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
