we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
