I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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